Social services' concerns about parents: scenarios, questions and how to respond

[[HTMLTAG0]]] [[HTMLTAG1]]] You are here: [[HTMLTAG2]]] 2/8 of the series [[HTMLTAG3]]] Notification of concern to social services: your way step by step [[HTMLTAG4]]] [[HTMLTAG5]]] [[HTMLTAG6]]] Social services usually investigate the [[HTMLTAG7]] child's environment and safety [[HTMLTAG8]], not whether you are a “bad parent” in the abstract sense and not crime in the first place. It can feel unfair when the notification is unjustified or based on misunderstanding. However, respond from the child's perspective: what does the child need to feel safe, avoid conflicts of loyalty and understand that adults cooperate in the best interests of the child? [[HTMLTAG9]]] [[HTMLTAG10]]] Start with [[HTMLTAG11]]] what happens after a concern report [[HTMLTAG12]]]. Next step: [[HTMLTAG13]]] and you will respond to the notification objectively [[HTMLTAG14]]]. [[HTMLTAG15]]] [[HTMLTAG16]]] [[HTMLTAG17]]] [[HTMLTAG18]]] Important! [[HTMLTAG19]]] If social services ask if you want or need support/interventions, do not answer categorically no at the moment. Rather say: “I am open to concrete proposals and will be happy to accept support if you consider it necessary. I would first like to understand what you are proposing and why.” Ask that your answer be recorded correctly. A blank no may otherwise be documented as opposing support, which may impair your position in the investigation. [[HTMLTAG20]]] /aside > [[HTMLTAG21]]] Basic principle: willingness to cooperate without admitting untrue claims [[HTMLTAG22]]] [[HTMLTAG23]]] You can show that you are taking the concerns seriously without saying yes to incorrect facts. Use formulations such as: [[HTMLTAG24]]] [[HTMLTAG25]]] [[HTMLTAG26]]] "I understand that the concern applies to [X]. I'd like to explain how we actually have it at home.” [[HTMLTAG27]]] [[HTMLTAG28]]] “Your concern is justified that you are investigating. I'm also worried that [the child] should feel good and not feel divided. ' [[HTMLTAG29]]] [[HTMLTAG30]]] "I need to see in writing what the notification is about before I comment on everything.” [[HTMLTAG31]]] [[HTMLTAG32]]] [[HTMLTAG33]]] Avoid opening new tracks you don't need: “I also have problems with...” when asked about something else. Answer what is asked, nothing more. [[HTMLTAG34]]] [[HTMLTAG35]]] [[HTMLTAG36]]] [[HTMLTAG37]] Statistics in perspective: [[HTMLTAG38]] In 2024, about 233,000 children were affected by at least one concern report, representing 10.8% of children 0-17 years old. This does not mean that the child is being taken into care or that the notification is proven. Approximately 54% of the reports were handled in an investigation; the rest are often terminated after prior assessment or other handling. [[HTMLTAG39]]] /aside > [[HTMLTAG40]] Scenarios: what concerns often apply and what questions usually arise [[HTMLTAG41]]] [[HTMLTAG42]] The scenarios below are not scripted to “pass” social services. They are ways to keep you close to the facts, the needs of the child, and what is actually to be investigated. Use them as a structure: what is the concern, what basis is there, what is wrong, what does the child need and what help can you reasonably be open to? [[HTMLTAG43]]] [[HTMLTAG44]]] Abuse or risk use by parent [[HTMLTAG45]]] [[HTMLTAG46]]] [[HTMLTAG47]]] Common concerns: [[HTMLTAG48]] alcohol, drugs, gambling, that the child is exposed or seeing the impact. [[HTMLTAG49]]] [[HTMLTAG50]]] [[HTMLTAG51]]] Questions social services may ask: [[HTMLTAG52]]]] How often do you drink/use? Has the child seen you affected? Is there a safe adult when you can't? [[HTMLTAG53]]] [[HTMLTAG54]]] [[HTMLTAG55]]] Provide: [[HTMLTAG56]]] sample answers, treatment contact, care plan, medication list, schedule for when the child is with you, name of safe adult, and dates of any relapses or misunderstandings. [[HTMLTAG57]]] [[HTMLTAG58]]] [[HTMLTAG59]] Avoid: [[HTMLTAG60]]] Long depictions of old problems that are no longer current, sweeping promises like “it never happens”, or saying yes to the notification's words if you disagree. [[HTMLTAG61]]] [[HTMLTAG62]]] [[HTMLTAG63]]] Recommended Answer: [[HTMLTAG64]] “I understand the concern is whether the child has seen me affected or lacking a safe adult. My picture is [short fact]. Since [date], I have [contact/trial/treatment]. When I'm not feeling well or if risk arises there is [name/plan]. I would love to know exactly what events you are referring to so that I can respond point by point.” [[HTMLTAG65]]] [[HTMLTAG66]]] [[HTMLTAG67]]] If the notification is wrong: [[HTMLTAG68]] “I do not share the information that the child has seen me affected. Here are the bases I have. If you have a specific date, I would like to respond to it in writing.” [[HTMLTAG69]]] [[HTMLTAG70]]] Mental illness of parent [[HTMLTAG71]]] [[HTMLTAG72]]] [[HTMLTAG73]] Common concerns: [[HTMLTAG74]] depression, anxiety, self-harm, that the child is not receiving adequate care. [[HTMLTAG75]]] [[HTMLTAG76]]] [[HTMLTAG77]] Questions: [[HTMLTAG78]]] Do you have contact with psychiatry? Are you taking medication? Who takes care of the baby when you feel bad? [[HTMLTAG79]]] [[HTMLTAG80]]] [[HTMLTAG81]]] Identify: [[HTMLTAG82]] care contact, sick leave certificate if relevant, emergency plan, contact persons, school attendance, child's routines and who helps in case of worse periods. [[HTMLTAG83]]] [[HTMLTAG84]]] [[HTMLTAG85]]] Avoid: [[HTMLTAG86]]] Leaving your entire care history if the question concerns the child's everyday life. It may be enough to show treatment, stability and safety plan. [[HTMLTAG87]]] [[HTMLTAG88]]] [[HTMLTAG89]]] Recommended Answer: [[HTMLTAG90]]] “I have treatment since [date] at [device]. The child's everyday life works like this: [school, food, sleep, pick-up]. If I get worse there is [plan/person]. I want to collaborate on the safety of the child, but I want my diagnosis not to be automatically interpreted as a lack of care.” [[HTMLTAG91]]] [[HTMLTAG92]]] [[HTMLTAG93]]] Child's concern: [[HTMLTAG94]]] Children may ask “will they take my parents?” Say adults are talking about safety and help, not that someone is being “punished.” [[HTMLTAG95]]] [[HTMLTAG96]]] Intimate relationship violence [[HTMLTAG97]]] [[HTMLTAG98]]] [[HTMLTAG99]]] Common concern: [[HTMLTAG100]]] children witness altercations, threats, physical harm (about 16% of reports of concern according to the National Board of Health and Welfare's survey are about violence in close relationships). [[HTMLTAG101]]] [[HTMLTAG102]]] [[HTMLTAG103]] Questions: [[HTMLTAG104]]] Does the child feel safe? Is there domestic violence? Have the police been there? [[HTMLTAG105]]] [[HTMLTAG106]]] [[HTMLTAG107]]] Produce: [[HTMLTAG108]]] police reports, medical records, protection plan, text messages, pictures, witnesses, contact with women's hotline/mansjour/socialjour and what the child has seen or heard. [[HTMLTAG109]]] [[HTMLTAG110]]] [[HTMLTAG111]]] If you are exposed: [[HTMLTAG112]]] Ask for individual conversation without the other adult. Say: “I need to be able to talk about protection without the other person knowing everything. The child needs security and I want to know what support you can provide without increasing the risk at home.” [[HTMLTAG113]]] [[HTMLTAG114]]] [[HTMLTAG115]]] If the notification concerns conflict but not violence: [[HTMLTAG116]]] “There has been conflict, but I do not share the violence/threat task. I want to keep apart conflict, raised voice and actual violence. Here is my timeline and I would like to respond to each specific task.” [[HTMLTAG117]]] [[HTMLTAG118]]] [[HTMLTAG119]]] Avoid: [[HTMLTAG120]]] To minimize the child's experience. Even if you consider that it was not “violence”, the child may have experienced fear. Therefore, answer both about the facts and about how the child is protected from adult conflict. [[HTMLTAG121]]] [[HTMLTAG122]]] Conflict between parents (without violence) [[HTMLTAG123]]] [[HTMLTAG124]]] [[HTMLTAG125]]] Questions: [[HTMLTAG126]]] How do you talk in front of your child? Do you live separately? How are handovers? [[HTMLTAG127]]] [[HTMLTAG128]]] [[HTMLTAG129]]] Find: [[HTMLTAG130]]] accommodation schedule, email advice about handovers, family law contact, judgment or agreement, examples of how to reduce your child's role as a messenger. [[HTMLTAG131]]] [[HTMLTAG132]]] [[HTMLTAG133]]] Recommended answer: [[HTMLTAG134]]] “The child should not bear our conflict. We use [email/app/schedule] for practical matters. I'm not telling the kid to pick a side. I'm open to support around handovers or collaborative conversations if it helps the child. ' [[HTMLTAG135]]] [[HTMLTAG136]]] [[HTMLTAG137]] Avoid: [[HTMLTAG138]]] Using the social services meeting to process the entire custody dispute. Keep the focus on the child's concrete safety, information and handovers. [[HTMLTAG139]]] [[HTMLTAG140]]] School absenteeism, home sitting, school problems [[HTMLTAG141]]] [[HTMLTAG142]]] [[HTMLTAG143]]] Common concern: [[HTMLTAG144]] children not attending, school notified, concern about care or special needs. [[HTMLTAG145]]] [[HTMLTAG146]]] [[HTMLTAG147]]] Questions: [[HTMLTAG148]]] Why is the child at home? Have you sought care? Are there action plans? [[HTMLTAG149]]] [[HTMLTAG150]]] [[HTMLTAG151]]] Get: [[HTMLTAG152]]] Absence statistics, action plans, student health meetings, BUP referral, medical certificates, emails asking the school for support and the child's own description. [[HTMLTAG153]]] [[HTMLTAG154]]] [[HTMLTAG155]]] Recommended Answer: [[HTMLTAG156]] “We are trying to get the child to school, but the problem is [[anxiety/bullying/neuropsychiatry/conflict/lack of support]. We have done [action] and are waiting for [investigation/support]. I want social services to distinguish between parental responsibility and school support responsibilities.” [[HTMLTAG157]]] [[HTMLTAG158]]] [[HTMLTAG159]] Avoid: [[HTMLTAG160]]] To accept the school's formulation of “lack of parenting skills” without showing at the same time what the school did or did not do. [[HTMLTAG161]]] [[HTMLTAG162]]] See [[HTMLTAG163]]] when the school contacts Social Services [[HTMLTAG164]]]. [[HTMLTAG165]]] [[HTMLTAG166]]] Crime anxiety and young people at risk [[HTMLTAG167]]] [[HTMLTAG0]] The National Board of Health and Welfare and the police often cooperate with young people who are at risk of crime (SSPF, social intervention groups). Concerns can concern circuits, guns, drugs, truancy. [[HTMLTAG1]]] [[HTMLTAG2]]] [[HTMLTAG3]] Questions: [[HTMLTAG4]]] Do you know where the child is at night? Do you know of police contacts? How do you guys talk about law and consequences? [[HTMLTAG5]]] [[HTMLTAG6]]] [[HTMLTAG7]]] Find out: [[HTMLTAG8]] schedule, school contact, extracurricular activity, contacts with fielders, possible police contacts, phone/location procedures and which adults know the child. [[HTMLTAG9]]] [[HTMLTAG10]]] [[HTMLTAG11]]] Recommended Answer: [[HTMLTAG12]]] “I take the concern seriously. At home, [times/rules] apply. I have contact with [school/fielder/leisure]. I need to know what concrete information is available from police or school so that I'm not just responding to rumors. I am open to support that reduces the risk, but would like the child not to be labelled without clear evidence.” [[HTMLTAG13]]] [[HTMLTAG14]]] You don't have to admit crimes the child didn't commit. Focus on the structure, oversight and support efforts you've already sought. [[HTMLTAG15]]] [[HTMLTAG16]]]] Lack of care, cleanliness, food, sleep [[HTMLTAG17]]] [[HTMLTAG18]]] [[HTMLTAG19]]] Questions: [[HTMLTAG20]]] Does the child have clean home, food, bed, clothes? Routines? [[HTMLTAG21]]] [[HTMLTAG22]]] [[HTMLTAG23]]] Get: [[HTMLTAG24]]] routine schedule, pictures if you choose, rental contracts, receipts, BVC/school health contact, information about sleep, food, clothing and hygiene. [[HTMLTAG25]]] [[HTMLTAG26]]] [[HTMLTAG27]]] Recommended Answer: [[HTMLTAG28]]] “The child has a sleeping place, food and routines. An ordinary weekday looks like this: [short schedule]. If the home was messy at one point it was due to [concrete explanation] and is not the child's normal environment. Please tell me exactly what you are wondering about.” [[HTMLTAG29]]] [[HTMLTAG30]]] [[HTMLTAG31]]] Avoid: [[HTMLTAG32]]] Overcompensating with lots of private images or explanations that are not requested. Show structure without giving away all privacy. [[HTMLTAG33]]] [[HTMLTAG34]]] Economy and Housing [[HTMLTAG35]]] [[HTMLTAG36]]] [[HTMLTAG37]] Questions: [[HTMLTAG38]]] Have you paid rent? Crowded? Unsafe housing? [[HTMLTAG39]]] [[HTMLTAG40]]] [[HTMLTAG41]]] Prepare: [[HTMLTAG42]]] rental agreement, rental fee, housing grant/maintenance application, debt counseling contact and plan for the child's sleeping place and school. [[HTMLTAG43]]] [[HTMLTAG44]]] [[HTMLTAG45]]] Recommended Answer: [[HTMLTAG46]] “The economy is under pressure, but the child's basic needs are handled like this: [food, accommodation, school]]. I have sought [support] and am open to concrete interventions that strengthen the stability of the child. At the same time, I want poverty not to be automatically written off as a lack of care.” [[HTMLTAG47]]] [[HTMLTAG48]]] [[HTMLTAG49]]] Avoid: [[HTMLTAG50]]] To hide emergency rental risk or power outage. It is better to show plan and sought support than for social services to detect the risk through another source. [[HTMLTAG51]]] [[HTMLTAG52]]] The child's own behavior (about 30% of notifications child-related) [[HTMLTAG53]]] [[HTMLTAG54]]] Concerns can concern aggression, self-harm, sexuality, bullying, gender identity. Social services are still assessing whether the environment supports the child. [[HTMLTAG55]]] [[HTMLTAG56]]] [[HTMLTAG57]]] Find out: [[HTMLTAG58]] BUP contact, school investigations, incident reports, child's own voice, safety plan, support persons and what triggers or calms situations. [[HTMLTAG59]]] [[HTMLTAG60]]] [[HTMLTAG61]]] Recommended Answer: [[HTMLTAG62]] “The child has difficulty with [[concrete behavior/moodiness]]. We are in contact with [BUP/School/Care] since [date]. At home, we try with [structure]. I want to collaborate on support for the child, not just get a problem formulation. I also want the child's behaviour to be put in the context of school, care and possible vulnerability.” [[HTMLTAG63]]] [[HTMLTAG64]]] [[HTMLTAG65]]] Avoid: [[HTMLTAG66]]] Putting all responsibility on the child or all responsibility on the school. Social services need to ensure that you take adult responsibility, while documenting the responsibilities of other actors. [[HTMLTAG67]]] [[HTMLTAG68]] Table: before investigation, under investigation, after [[HTMLTAG69]]] [[HTMLTAG70]]] [[HTMLTAG71]]] [[HTMLTAG72]]] [[HTMLTAG73]] Phase [[HTMLTAG74]]] [[HTMLTAG75]]] Your Focus [[HTMLTAG76]]] [[HTMLTAG76]]] [[HTMLTAG77]]] Common Mistakes [[HTMLTAG78]]] [[HTMLTAG79]]] [[HTMLTAG81]]] [[HTMLTAG82]]] [[HTMLTAG83]]] [[HTMLTAG83]]] [[HTMLTAG84]] Before [[HTMLTAG85]]] [[HTMLTAG86]]] [[HTMLTAG87]]] Request a written description of the concern, collect attachments, book support person [[HTMLTAG88]]]] [[HTMLTAG89]]] Reply extensively to the phone without to know what is written in the notification [[HTMLTAG90]]] [[HTMLTAG91]]] [[HTMLTAG92]]] [[HTMLTAG93]]] [[HTMLTAG93]]] [[HTMLTAG94]] Under [[HTMLTAG95]]] [[HTMLTAG96]]] [[HTMLTAG97]] Meetings structured, recording, follow-up emails, child's needs in the center [[HTMLTAG98]]] [[HTMLTAG99]]] Threaten, refuse all contact, or concede vague assertions in affect [[HTMLTAG100]]] [[HTMLTAG101]]] [[HTMLTAG102]]] [[HTMLTAG103]]] [[HTMLTAG104]]] After [[HTMLTAG105]]] [[HTMLTAG106]]] [[HTMLTAG107]]] Read decision/notes, request correction, follow up support efforts [[HTMLTAG108]]] [[HTMLTAG109]]] Suppose the case is closed without written message [[HTMLTAG110]]] [[HTMLTAG111]]] [[HTMLTAG112]]] [[HTMLTAG113]]] [[HTMLTAG114]]] Child's voice: “Will they take my parents?” [[HTMLTAG115]]] [[HTMLTAG116]]] Children hear more than adults think. Explain at the child's level: [[HTMLTAG117]]] [[HTMLTAG118]]] [[HTMLTAG119]]] Adults talk to make sure you feel good. [[HTMLTAG120]]] [[HTMLTAG121]]] This does not mean that anyone should move. [[HTMLTAG122]]] [[HTMLTAG123]]] You get to say how you feel. You're not supposed to respond to things you don't understand. [[HTMLTAG124]]] [[HTMLTAG125]]] [[HTMLTAG126]]] If social services are going to talk to the child: ask what the meeting is about and whether you can be present or nearby according to the child's age and will. [[HTMLTAG127]]] [[HTMLTAG128]]] Statistics that put the concerns into perspective [[HTMLTAG129]]] [[HTMLTAG130]] In 2024, about 514,000 reports of concern were made affecting about 233,000 children, corresponding to 10.8% of children 0-17 years old. This does not mean that all children are investigated or placed. Approximately 54% of the reports were handled in an investigation, while the rest were often terminated after prior assessment or other handling. Round-the-clock care is much rarer. Read more in [[HTMLTAG131]] statistics on concern reports [[HTMLTAG132]] and on the [[HTMLTAG133]] statistics page [[HTMLTAG134]]]. [[HTMLTAG135]]] div data-social-concern-chart>/div> [[HTMLTAG136]]] The next step in the series [[HTMLTAG137]]] [[HTMLTAG138]]] [[HTMLTAG139]]] [[HTMLTAG140]]] 3) Respond to the notification objectively [[HTMLTAG141]]] [[HTMLTAG142]]] [[HTMLTAG143]]] [[HTMLTAG144]] 4) Sun-investigation: what it means [[HTMLTAG145]]] [[HTMLTAG146]]] [[HTMLTAG147]]] [[HTMLTAG148]]] 5) Home visit: checklist and answers [[HTMLTAG149]]] [[HTMLTAG150]]] [[HTMLTAG151]]] [[HTMLTAG152]]] Sources [[HTMLTAG153]]] [[HTMLTAG154]]] [[HTMLTAG155]]] [[HTMLTAG156]]] Board of Health and Welfare: Concern reports are increasing [[HTMLTAG157]]] [[HTMLTAG158]]] [[HTMLTAG159]]] [[HTMLTAG160]]] National Board of Health and Welfare: Young people who commit crimes [[HTMLTAG161]]] [[HTMLTAG162]]] [[HTMLTAG163]]] [[HTMLTAG164]]] Children's Ombudsman: This happens after a concern report [[HTMLTAG165]]] [[HTMLTAG166]]] [[HTMLTAG167]]]